Genre : Action, Thriller, Romance.....I don't know, I'm really confused
Director : A.Rajasekar
Music : Harris Jeyaraj (unbelievably bad score)
Cast : Vishal Reddy, Kota Srinivasa Rao, Upendra, Nayantara(in a absolutely useless role) and many insignificant characters played by Sudha Chandran, Senthil, Bhramhanandam etc
Storyline
A honest cop who has a bad habit of spewing idiotic dialogues has to capture an assassin who keeps killing a line of chief minister hopefuls one by one. Along the way, he also has to battle and mouth more dialogues against corrupt politicians. In the midst of all that, the hero also finds time to strike up a romance with a heroine with whom he has absolutely no chemistry, sing and dance like a fucking idiot in a line-up of crap songs and also do a supposedly comedic scene lifted straight from an earlier super hit Tamil film.
The Point is
Absolute waste of Rs.150 and three hours of my life. If you must watch this piece of crap, download it from the internet.
If you still dare, read the full review of 'Satyam' after the turn...
Satyam (2008) - Full Review
Apparently, the producer, the director and the lead cast of the recently released Tamil 'Cop' (Crap) movie, Satyam held a secret illuminati meeting before filming the movie to draw up a set of rules and guidelines for making this never seen before flick. Yeah! never seen before allright, we've never seen such a hilarious cop movie, like in, ever. It's so bad, it actually feels like a spoof of Tamil 'Cop' flicks.
Anyhoo, here is the alleged 'Satyamus Codex'.
1. The hero shall appear radically different from other cops in movie. He must never be in uniform.
2. The hero must be introduced just like every other hero in tamil cinema has been introduced for the last ten thousand years: with a totally illogical fight/chase sequence which does not follow laws of gravity nor laws of physics, and then a speech/song-dance.
3. The heroine must show her dedication for serious journalism by reporting world changing events like kids stealing money, forging parents' signature etc
4. The mother character must be introduced into the movie only for the purposes of praising the hero for taking care of her and for the heroine to watch him care for her, thus immediately making way for a dream duet song-dance sequence.
5. There must always be a group of kids who are nauseatingly annoying and who can't act even at gunpoint.
6. Hero must maintain image as a fucking boy scout by acting like an idiot with said annoying kids in scene after scene of no relevance to microscopic plot.
7. Heroine has no connection to the plot at all, so she must have an unforgettable scene lifted straight from Home Alone. Only, here she must make a complete idiot of herself. Serves her right for agreeing to do this movie even after hearing the story.
8. Villain list as follows - 1 Minister, 1 Allakai, 1 Rowdy/Henchman to minister, 1 former cop on revenge spree.
9. Since every song is nauseatingly bad, choose one song and use it promote this 'Cop' movie.
10. Lead characters will act so bad that they will not even be funny. So insert totally unrelated comedy scene. Employ 2 senior comedians for just the scene and utterly humiliate them by making the comedy scene a frame by frame copy from another superhit movie.
11. Antihero-cop-turned-assassin goes on a minister killing spree. Director must show hero as the only one who can solve case and he must make all the other characters incompetent idiots.
12. Hero talks too much, so kill mother, frame hero cop and throw in jail.
13. Bring Hero cop and Antihero cop together for a dialogue spewing contest. It doesn't matter that dialogues must be good, just make sure writer gives enough dialogues for at least a 5-10 minute spewing match.
14. At climax, Minister Villain must have a big function to make his top Rowdy/Henchman get elected as an MLA. Everyone else must attend function and keep clapping everytime minister opens mouth.
15. Hero must escape from high security prison. But since we don't have necessary knowledge and information to show his escape sequence as possible, we simply skip over and make hero appear suddenly at the minister's function like magic.
16. Again, due to lack of knowledge and any creativity at all, hero must suddenly have guns in hand and inexplicably appear onstage holding Minister and Ex-Rowdy-to-be-Politician as hostages. All the while, the thousands of police personnel on Minister's security detail must look like incompetent idiots who never see the Hero until he appears onstage.
17. Hero must immediately launch into loooong climax monologue scene. This all important scene must adhere to the laws of Tamil cinema by making the hero keep mouthing monologue for a minimum of 20 minutes at least. If hero looks like an idiot, it doesn't matter, in Tamil cinema, climax speech is must.
18. For the entire duration of the speech, nobody must do anything. Tamilnadu police must appear helpless, frozen where they are by the awfulness of the quality and logic of Hero's speech.
19. The one person having a long range sniper rifle is recently released Antihero-cop-turned-assassin who is hiding behind big speakers and taking aim at Villains on stage. But he too must wait for hero to finish speech, as the whole world will be destroyed if the Hero's stupid monologue is interrupted.
20. Finally, after hero finishes loooong monologue and pauses to catch his breath, Antihero-cop-turned-assassin must have change of heart, just like that and surrender to the police. The power of Hero's speech is strong.
21. Since we cannot produce any evidence, Hero's speech must be enough to arrest villains. And it is enough to convict villains in court of law, since it is generally accepted that Tamil Audiences aren't aware enough to know that confessions extracted under the threat of death, at gunpoint is not admissible as legal evidence.
22. In the grand tradition of Tamil cinema, Hero must be pardoned by court and released of all charges. If, by now, you're still wondering what happened to the Heroine, you'e not had much experience with the great Tamil Masala Movie Factory.
