Why I no longer go to Public Movie Theaters

This is an article by Home Theater Enthusiast Steve Jenkins.

When I first starting enjoying the home theater experience, I noticed that my family and I frequented public movie theaters less and less. Now, we almost never go to public theaters - and when we do, I really miss being at home.

So I thought it would be fun to create a list of Reasons Why I No Longer Go To Public Movie Theaters to help those of you who are interested in building your own home theater (usually guys) convince anyone standing in your way why a home theater is a good thing.

So here it is, here are the reasons I no longer go to public movie theaters:

1. You show up 45 minutes early to find the perfect seat in the center of the theater, and someone taller than you shows up 5 minutes before the opening credits and sits right in front of you. If you're really unlucky, he's wearing a huge hat or he/she has a hairdo that blocks half of your line of sight to the screen.

2. The guy who shows up late looking for a seat in the dark and then asks you to move over one seat so he and his girlfriend can sit in your row - knocking you one seat away from the surround sound sweet spot.

3. The noisy girl right behind you who keeps asking her boyfriend "What's gonna happen next?". Sometimes, noisy girl keeps talking about things as important as 'What her friend said about her seating arrangements when SHE came with HER boyfriend'.

4. The noisy guy right behind you who keeps announcing what's going to happen next - even if he's not asked by his noisy girlfriend. Or the noisy guy who finds the movie theater, of all places to be romantic. Or maybe he is just in the mood for some groping.

5. The kid sitting one row in front of you who orders a sugar-high glazed donut with chocolate, lots of it, and it starts "kicking in" about half an hour into the movie.

6. The guy near the front of the theater who uses a camcorder to make a bootleg/pirated tape and keeps the bright back-lit viewscreen wide open.

7. Noisy teenagers who laugh, talk, whistle or make other noises at inappropriate points of the movie.

8. Grown men who assault the aforementioned teenagers instead of talking to the manager and/or asking for his money back.

9. Kids who sit behind you and kick the back of your seat.

10. Parents who let their kids kick the seat in front of them, and then who give you that "how dare you talk to my kid ?" look when you ask their kid to stop.

11. People who remain standing during the previews.

12. People who talk during the establishing shot (first few moments) of the movie.

13. People who ignore the "please turn off your cell phone" message during the previews and who think that bending over while taking a call will somehow magically render their conversation imperceptible to everyone else in the theater. This is even more annoying if they've added blinking lights to their phone's battery, case, keypad, etc.

14. What used to be enjoyable previews are now replaced by 30 minutes of commercials - which you can get at home.

15. The movie soundtrack sounds vastly inferior to a good home theater audio setup.

16. You can't adjust the volume in a public theater.

17. If you have to go to the bathroom at a public theater, they won't press PAUSE and wait until you return.

18. The guy who comes back from the bathroom and then wants to know (in graphic detail) what he missed, and then gets mad at his girlfriend for not being able to remember.

19. Unregulated 'I came first' gouging at the food counters.

20. The other line at the food counter always moves faster.

21. That awful sound your shoes make as you walk across a sticky floor.

22. The people in front of you who barely see 5 minutes of the movie because their faces are stuck together the entire time.

23. Public movie theater seats are nowhere near as comfortable as home theater seats - especially if you have leather recliners.

24. The awkward battle over who gets to use the shared arm rest.

25. While vacuuming under the chairs in your private theater, you'll often find spare change generously left by your guests!

26. For the price of going to a movie theater, you can buy one DVD or rent at least two.

27. Finding parking is much easier at home, and you don't have to navigate your family through the variety of "hazards" that frequently hang out in movie theater parking lots.

28. In your own home theater, you can tell people to quiet down without fear of it escalating into a fight.

29. In your own home theater, you can take your shoes off without having to worry that someone else will do the same.

30. You can't rewind in a movie theater if you missed something, didn't understand the dialogue, or simply want to see something again.

31. You can't turn on sub-titles to pick up unintelligible dialogue.

32. Parents who bring their 2 year-old baby to a scary movie and who don't leave when it starts crying during loud and/or scary scenes.

33. The inability to adjust the heat or air conditioning in a public theater.

34. The lack of somewhere convenient to put your coat in a public theater - if you drape it on the seat it's bound to fall on the sticky floor.

35. You don't have to take your wallet or keys to a home theater, so you can't lose them on the floor.

36. The mysterious bubble-gum based substances on the bottom of public theater seats that find their way onto your pant leg.

37. You can't guarantee that your favorite movie-time beverage will be available in a public theater.

38. Someone who sounds like they have Tuberculosis usually sits right behind you, and they never cover their mouth.

39. Public theaters don't calibrate their projectors with ColorFacts.

40. Having to save seats for people who are arriving later, and then constantly fighting off others to try to steal them.

41. One word (usually yelled loudly and then ignored by the kid in the projection booth for at least 5 minutes): FOCUS!

If you have an additional reason why you no longer go to public movie theaters, send it to me and I'll add it!